Oh how jolly
by PommePie
Summary: Usually Santa falls down your chimney on Christmas. Usually Santa is a large jolly man. Also, Santa doesn’t look at you and say that that he wants you. And it’s not normal for Santa to use that bag for prisoners. Rules don't apply to Axel, he's no Santa.
1. Usually Santa Isn't Axel

_AN:_

_This is just a prologue... That has a title that looks like a chapter but IT'S TOTALLY NOT. -shoots self in the head- I wanted to start with the "usually" storyline, but I decided to introduce Axel first. We'll move along to the actual story shortly (which involves what was mentioned in the first paragraph) AHEM, SHUT UP APPLE. T^T_

Disclaimer: I DO NOT OWN KH. But I do have the games (358/2 days and KH2 and chain of memories. I STILL NEED KH)!

* * *

_**Usually:**_

Usually Santa falls down your chimney on Christmas. Usually Santa is a fat and jolly man. Also, Santa usually doesn't look at you and say that that he wants you. And it's not normal for Santa to use that bag for prisoners. But, Axel isn't Santa.

The rules apparently don't apply to him.

--

_**Santa:**_

"My name is Axel, got it memorized?" A man with fiery red hair appeared in my face after I woke up from my nap in the part. I jump back a bit and smack my head on the tree trunk I was formally laying against taking in a nice nap about ice cream and rainbows. This man, Axel I believe it was, looks as if he just made himself at home next to me.

He has two tattoos on his face directly below his eyes; they're like little upside-down triangles. His red hair must be dyed and his black clothing is obviously too hot for him right now. Then again, it isn't summer anymore. It's nearly winter, oh how I love winter.

He has a picnic blanket set out with a bunch of food and books. Most of them are picture books, might I add. He must be even weirder than he seems. Who honestly watches someone and eats next to someone when they're eating; especially if they're complete strangers.

This man is absolutely creepy.

"Who said that I care what your name is?" I reply with an annoyed tone. I stand up and casually wipe the dirt off my butt. Axel grinned and pointed a thumb at himself. "What does that mean?"

"Are you an idiot? I was pointing at myself. I say you care!" Oh great, an egotistical narcissist.

My eyes roll themselves, a natural effect I gained from being around my brother, Sora, too much. "Oh, so now you're my teacher? Please, oh wise man, tell me what I feel next. First I care for some random man with an ugly face, what's next? Will I soon sprout 3 toes and run around singing 'we wish you a merry Christmas'?"

Axel nodded his head. I groaned and walked away from him to head back home.

"You think I'm ugly?" he said with a hurt tone. I couldn't hold in my laughter.

"Let's see, you have long spiky red hair, and your figure is abnormally thin. You could pass as a woman if you were to put your hair into a pony-tail or something like that," I think allowed just to anger him. "Or perhaps you could dress in a frilly pink dress."

Axel glares at me and I knew I was winning on pissing this stranger off. "You shouldn't be talking, shorty. Look at your pretty blond spiked hair that you obviously took too long trying to perfect and your body is of a woman!"

My feet turned around abruptly and I let out a glare. "Don't call me a girl, okay?"

"Why, just because you can say it means that I can't? You're an idiot, got it memorized?"

I, very manly, stomped on his foot and stormed off. Axel burst into laughter and went back to his little picnic he started next to me as I slept. How creepy is that? It's like he was waiting for me to wake up from my nap just to piss me off.

What a creep. _Got it memorized_ What a weird man.

--

_**Isn't:**_

Isn't the new kid in class supposed to be actually new? Well, apparently not. It was like he was just transferring classes. I don't know how they all knew him, perhaps from elementary school? I did come from another one before coming here after all.

Axel walked through the doors and everyone greeted him with a high-five. He's well known, but not the way I know him. It's like they actually _like_ him. Even Saix, our teacher, seemed to know him.

Either way, I looked down to my annoyingly large amount of homework that was assigned because Saix is a jerk (It's the only plausible reason for this homework), and pretended not to notice Axel or know him.

Axel took a seat next to me and I could feel his stare watching my every move. I took out my iPod, put the earphones into my ears and played random songs that Sora put onto it. Sora, who is sitting to my left and Axel on my right, cheered slightly in glee.

"You're finally using my gift I bought for you!" he said gleefully. I turned to my brother with a smile, great an excuse to ignore Axel even more.

Sora bought me an iPod for my birthday but I thought it wasn't very useful because I usually only listen to music at home using my speakers.

"Yeah, it does seem useful," I replied. Yeah, Sora, really _useful _for ignoring people.

"I didn't know what kind of music you listen to, so I put a bunch of emo songs onto it. Is that okay with you?" he asked.

I slap his arm as painfully as I could and glared at him. "I'm not emo! Just how many times do to tell you that I'm not emo?!" Everyone thinks that I'm 'emo'. Am I really?

Axel laughs behind me and taps my shoulder. I turn around with the blankest expression I could, trying to tell him I don't give a crap.

"My name is Axel, and what is your name?" he asks me, as if interested.

"My name is of no importance to you," I reply. "Also, I still have 10 toes and I haven't sung that Christmas song yet. Thank you very much." I look through the iPod for any songs that aren't emo and fall across random Christmas songs. Seriously, is this one holiday the only thing on my mind lately?

Sora chuckles and says, "His name is Roxas. Like Rocks-Ass, only the 's' is shorter."

"Hello there,_ Rocks-ass_." I throw my pencil at Axel's head and he glares at me.

I win.

--

_**Axel:**_

At lunch, I got to watch the glory of Axel being left out from the crowd. Everyone filled up their own tables enough so that he couldn't fit. But then I got that happy feeling washed completely away from me when Sora threw up his hand and called him over.

"You hate me, don't you?" I ask Sora. Sora gives me this large grin that I couldn't help grinning back to.

His fiery hair bobbed with each step and each step was filled with superiority. It almost seemed like he belonged to walk this path towards us. With his godly and perfect steps- stop right there Roxas; those thoughts are completely disturbing beyond so many levels. That's just DISGUSTING!

_"My name is Axel, got it memorized?_" I have a feeling I won't have a problem with that.

--

He sat down next to me and patted my back in a friendly hello. I hit his arm with a frown.

"Hey, _Rocks-ass_, how is everything going?"

"Oh great, some ugly dude is sitting next to me and trying to strike a conversation but I honestly don't care two shits about him," I reply with a happy grin.

"You should be nicer to your brother," he replies with a laugh. Shut the hell up, Asshole.

"I just realized something!" I blurt out in excitement.

Axel and Sora both turn to me with curious faces. I smile at them both, rub my hair awkwardly and mentally slap myself for showing enthusiasm around them both.

"Axel sounds like you're saying Ass-hole!" I say with a smile. Axel slaps his forehead and goes back to eating his lunch.

I won again, asshole.

"Now you both have nicknames with a swear word in them! I don't have a name like that…"

"I'm sure we could think of something," Axel says with a thoughtful tone.

"That's okay; his nickname is Rosa because he ran around in a dress on his birthday party a few years back. Isn't that right, Rosa?" Sora slapped my arm angrily for bringing it up. That's just my revenge for bringing Axel over to eat with us.

I am a winner.

Roxas: 1  
Axel: 1 (for creeping me out)

--

Usually Santa isn't Axel.

When I said Axel is creepy, I meant it. You'll find out sooner or later of what I meant. Welcome to the end of the introduction to a little freaky Christmas.

* * *

SO HORRIBLE. This is my first fanfic EVER. I usually write stories and cute things and and adjgla I feel ashamed of myself. I can barely even follow their personality.  
Sora = Rosa = best thing EVER

sorry... I'll just.... go over here now... in my... corner of shame.


	2. I Freaking Hate Winter

_**A/N: What days do you guys actually check your emails or bookmarks (if you're like me and had like 50 fanfics bookmarked before deciding to make an account LOL) for updates? I want to make a schedule that will fit all of you. I know, you all have parties, friends and a social life -unlike me- So totally guys, tell me what day and I'll upload for you once a weeek tehee **_

_**Also, where do you want me to go with this? Want any fanservice or anything that'll totally make me red and want to delete this from ever being seen? Or do you want me to make it cute? OR BOTH? AWWWW I can see it now. TELL ME WHAT YOU WANT  
**_

* * *

**Chapter One:**

After a week I got used to Axel following me around and trying to catch my attention. After all, even if you were in hell for a week, it's still possible to get used to it- the pain and torture that is, right?

Axel is my hell.

--

_**I:**_

I was being followed home. I, Roxas, was being stalked.

I'd freak out by now, if I didn't know who it was, but I did. He just so happens to have fiery red hair and he's a little bit creepy and has contagious freaky smile that screams 'I am going to rape you' but he'd never actually say that. It's just what his smile looks like.

Since the first day of school; first day for him- he would follow me home pretending like he lived on my street, but as I closed my door he'd begin walking the other way back. How creepy is that?

So, where was I? Oh right, so I'm walking home right now and behind me is a set of footsteps silently in the background. I take out my iPod- pretending to be looking for a song but nothing is actually playing and I use the reflection to see Axel's face. Why is he following me? What has he to gain from following me? Is he just plain messed up in the head? I mean, he seems like a normal person deep down despite the not-so manly picnics and his hobby of following me home after school.

There are just so many questions I need to ask him now. I hate walking home without Sora; it leaves me with too much time to think.

"Axel, why are you following me?" I ask loudly before stopping myself from walking. He crashes into me and then laughs nervously sensing that he's been caught.

"I don't know what you mean, Rox-ass," he states absently while ruffling his long red hair with his hand. He's obviously lying, and obviously embarrassed. You deserve all the embarrassment right now.

"Well, I don't know. Maybe it's because you have been walking so closely behind me, breathing down my neck, and mumbling something that sounds obscurely creepy, every day this week. Then when I get inside my house, close the door, and then look out my window I see you walking back down the very same way we came from after looking at my front door awkwardly. You know how creepy you are? I never thought that my first stalker was a man, but then again you don't even look like one…"

Axel glared at me, puffed his cheeks, and looked down to his shirt pretending that it's the most interesting thing in the world. "I thought we were friends."

"That's your answer? That's so pathetic," I say bluntly. His pained look in his eyes instantly makes me feel guilty. "But, let's use your theory. If we were friends, would that mean you'd follow me home from behind or walk beside me instead? You know, to strike a conversation or something?"

For the first time, he looks dumbstruck. He may not have the most intelligent face or say smart things, but he literally looks dumbstruck. He opens his mouth to say something but all that comes out is a huge wash of chocolate-mint breath into my face.

We stand there waiting only for him to say anything. I personally didn't care how long it took; I just wanted to win this.

Axel punched me gently on the shoulder and walked away from me. That's his intelligent reply? A nudge on the shoulder is the smartest thing he could ever come up with.

"See you tomorrow, Asshole!" I shout to him. He shoves his middle finger up in the air as he continued to walk away.

I won again. Not him. Me.

--

_**Freaking:**_

Axel freaked me out, sort of. After that strange encounter the other day, I didn't really want to walk home anymore. But after I saw Axel come off a bus this morning, I felt as if a sense of superiority came over me.

I think I can understand Axel's daily schedule that his simple mind follows. In the morning he'd wake up early, fix his long red hair, eat, and then get on the bus. After boarding the bus he'd sit down and wait for it to reach the school, and then he'd get off. He'd go to my locker with his books in my hands and act as if he's been waiting forever without realizing I was actually just down the hallway with my brother.

We'd go to class together, throwing in a few insults along the way. We have pretty much the same schedule, except instead of Gym, he took Spanish. During lunch he'd pretend to look for a free table with his friends, but even if they offer he'd say "never mind, Roxas has a spot free" then he'd come running over to us. He'd sit down next to me and insult me as I insult him then my brother would have some random remark or memory about me trying to get revenge on me for telling Axel the "Rosa" secret. After that, we'd go to class again together. Last period I'd be in gym and he'd have Spanish. He'd finish his work early and wait at my locker and walk me to the door. Then he'd count to 50 and follow me to my house.

It's as if his life revolves around following me everywhere and loves to freak me out. Isn't that just wonderful?

"Hey, Rox-ass, where were you! I've been waiting here at your locker forever!"

"No, actually you haven't. You just got off the bus about a minute ago, I was watching you run to my locker as I was talking with my brother and came over here to say hello. It's just like everyday, you know?"

"Seriously, why do you point out these things so easily?" he asks with a grin. I show him my middle finger, push him out of the way and grab my binders for my first two period classes.

Axel grabs my stuff, shoves them back into my locker and drags me outside. I tried pushing him away but he held on tight.

"Rox-ass, stop being such an ass!" he shouts like a woman. That... that was very sexist of me, I'm sorry.

The cold breeze made me shiver. "Axel, I'm sorry, okay?" I say to make him shut up, but in the most sincere way possible. Yet, I obviously fail at sounding kind.

"Can't we just be friends?" he asks me with a smile. It took all my will just to nod my head in a friendly way when the rest of my mind was shaking and begging for a 'no'. "Good, we're friends now. I'll walk with you home, steal your homework, and bug the crap out of you!"

"No, no and no. We'll be friends that only hang during lunch and discuss how some random sport team lost or whatever your heart desires."

Axel pouted and stared at me. I tried to grin before walking away but he just stood there and watched.

--

_**Hate:**_

Hate is an awful and strong word to use. I hate using the word hate. But sometimes it's the only word you can really use.

I hate waking up early in the morning. I hate cold tea. I hate insects. I hate being mistaken for a girl when I'm not all that girly.

But I have never once hated a person. I may greatly dislike someone, or I may get really angry but I can never hate them. All the years of being with Sora has rubbed off on me. There was never a person I've ever said "I hate you" though I have said my "I don't like you" and my "I positively loathe you", but I haven't said I hate you.

With Axel, I can feel my blood boil. When he smiles his innocent smile, when he walks with me home and tries to pry into my life, when he sits next to me and asks me how my hair defies gravity, I can't help but think I hate this guy. It's not real hate, I realize that much. But I hate his personality; I hate his stupid grin and his silly laugh. Yet, through all this hate I can't help but feel a little intrigued by him, you know? It's like a calling I have for every person I meet that's slightly different than normal.

"Hey Rox-ass, it's time to go home!" he says with a cheerful tone as he reaches my locker.

With a perplexed tone, I blurt out the first thing that came to mind that I had thought was a greeting, "Why do you insist on waiting for me?" I seriously thought that was a 'hello' or something.

"Are you stupid? It's what friend's do!" he says with a grin. Friends, huh, I did agree to that.

"I guess, it's not that bad then," I think aloud before grabbing my checkered backpack. Axel starts to laugh, so I frown in return.

Sora grabbed a hold of my shoulder and walked on my left side out the building. "I forgot my bus money so I'm walking home with you for today!" he shouted in my ear happily. I couldn't help but smile.

"What about Riku, wouldn't he have bus change for you?" I ask him. Riku is Sora's best friend since they were little kids. Now, they just hang out after school. I found out that my brother was gay and had a crush on Riku a little while ago. He broke up with his girlfriend because his feelings were so strong for this man. Poor Kairi has been confused ever since.

Sora blushed from the sound of Riku's name and looked towards the ground. "He had to stay behind to finish a project."

"Oh that's probably just a lie. He probably just wanted you to stay behind with him so he can break out the make out for you. Wait, you are gay right?" Axel says with a grin. Sora stops walking and walks away angrily. Oh great, I'm so going to hear about this later. "What did I say?"

"Are you that idiotic? Even if he was gay, he wouldn't want someone like you pointing it out and saying such a crude thing!" I shout at him. Axel rubs his hair awkwardly and walks on ahead. I walk behind him suddenly fuming in anger.

I'm starting to hate Axel.

--

**Winter:**

When Axel and I took two steps out the front door, the ground was covered in snow. Everyone started to cheer and some started to shiver because they were too stupid to wear a coat for the cold weather.

Even Axel was getting excited. He tugged on my sleeve like an energetic child, and then paused for a moment before going back to his 'calm' state.

"Don't you just love winter?!" he shouts his question into my ear. I roll my eyes.

"I hate winter. It's cold, the snow turns brown and ugly, you call and freeze to death in the snow and everyone gets to hyped up on hot chocolate and music carols rather than enjoying the peaceful qualities of the season thus making it the worst time of the year that I positively loathe when that first snow flake drops- and I just had to share that moment with you," I say all in one breath. Axel bursts into laughter and I can't help but laugh too. I cannot believe I just said all of that.

Axel grins at me and pushes me into the nearest snow pile. I glared him down and calmed myself down before I froze to death. I balled snow into a snow ball only to realize that the snow is too wet for snow balls so instead I grab a handful of snow and shove it down Axel's coat. I shove Axel my finger before running off ahead.

"Jeez, now I need my revenge!" he calls from behind me. I turn around and smile at him. He brushes off the last of the snow and begins to chase after me. His long legs are faster than mine so he catches up to me in the matter of seconds.

I stare up at Axel's playful grin and start to feel really short and insignificant. He picks me up and throws me into a pile of snow, the biggest one he can find. I climb out, stumbling yet laughing, and grab Axel's wrist throwing him into the pile.

"Hey, Axel, come here a second!" Zexion and Demyx call from the school doors. Axel waves goodbye to be before running towards them. He holds up a finger indicating for me to wait. I brush off the snow from my clothes and my hair while waiting.

What just came over me? Did I honestly- did he just do that to me? I don't even know what he did, but something came over me. Like a need to have fun, a need to be relaxed. What the hell was that?

Zexion points towards me and Axel shrugs his shoulders, what are they talking about?

Axel walks towards me and pats me on the back before walking towards my home. I follow him confused. "What were you talking about?"

"I forgot my pencil, and Demyx was all like 'dude! You can't do that!' and Zexion was all like 'it's Axel, he won't mind!' and Demyx was all like 'hey look! There he is! Give it back' and blah, stuff happened. Long story short, Zexion says that you are totally out of character lately that he was all worried. Well, he pointed it out and then Demyx got worried," he rambled on nervously.

"You sound like a girl when you're nervous or scared or whatever you're feeling," I stated while crossing the street.

You could literally hear Axel gulp over the sound of the busy street and Christmas music playing at the store. "I'm not scared I'm just- I… So, Roxas, what are you doing for Christmas break next week?" he changed the subject. That's nice.

"Praying for someone to come and kidnap me from this winter holiday."

That's right. Winter break is next week, I completely forgot. I'm going to have to shop for gifts with money I don't have, sing along with my brother pretending to enjoy it, open gifts and act surprised, and listen to the same songs over and over again over the school announcements and radio stations.

I know I sound melodramatic and stupid for saying that, but I hate winter. The only thing I like about it is that it makes my family and friends happy. If they're happy, I can survive.

"Who knows; your might come true. After all, Santa Claus is coming to town," Axel says with a smile. He waves goodbye to me at my door. I walk in confused, lock my door and stare at my chimney. Santa kidnaps teenaged angst-filled boys like me?

**I. Freaking. Hate. Winter.**

* * *

A/N: You better have read the A/N at the top. It's important. Sorry for a short chapter today, next chapter is when IT ALL STARTS AND GETS HOT IN HERE BEBE OH YEAH.  
(HEYARIEL,AXELISSTILLINMYCLOSET. I haven't fed him in a few weeks. Rachel said that he needs to lose weight DUDE HE AND YOITE MATCH IN THE SKINNY ASS LOSER DEPARTMENT)

I so totally was NOT going to upload anything for a few more days but Volunteering and Art club were like 'WE WILL EAT YOUR WRITING TIME LATER' so I wrote it. And now I have absorbed all my writing energy in angst-filled emo teenaged boys like Roxas. Don't worry, we'll get our baby boy back.

I'm so tempted to re-enact that scene in KH 358/2 days with the whole "it's day 255" "What's that about" "That's how many days it's been since I've joined the organization" "got the number memorized, do ya?" sdglkasnjlhjnas STOP IT POMMEPIE. JEEZ YOU ARE SO BAD FOR MEMORIZING EVERY AKUROKU HINTING SCENE OUT THERE.

I'm just... kinnda stop now. Happy NaNoWriMo November~  
I wrote 'winter' while listening to 'winter' by 'joshua radin' LOL

...This is my last long author's note for a while.  
Thank you for all the favorites, alerts, and reviews. They made me so happy that I cried in happy tears.


	3. Where Is Our Jolly Christmas

**Chapter two:**

I woke up one morning with a grin on my face. School is over, and there is no more Axel.

I pranced around my house, cleaned, placed ornaments on the Christmas tree and made pancakes with little stars drawn on them with syrup for Sora and my parents. They came in the room with a gasp aimed towards my abnormal cheerful attitude. Sora wrapped his arms around me in delight and I got stabbed in the eye with one of his little spikes.

Have a merry jolly Christmas, Axel. Go fuck yourself and leave me out of it, thank you.

--

**Where:**

We sat around the large round table together, Sora, Riku, my parents, and a few other people, as we waited for our roast beef to finish. With all the decorations put up and the gingerbread house and men placed in the middle of the place, it creates a peaceful atmosphere. Peaceful to others, though. I just have a huge headache but it beats the headaches I get from a certain someone. Those kinds of headaches explode like volcanoes every single second that certain someone speaks.

Everyone stopped talking and wound up in a long awkward silence.

Riku clears his throat, trying to break the silence. "Why didn't you invite Axel, Roxas?" Riku asks me with a smile. I choke a little on my eggnog and try to come up with an innocent excuse but that's harder than it seems and I'm left with nothing to say.

"I guess the lover-boys got into a fight," Zexion says with a grunt.

Demyx bursts into a childish fit of laughter. "We got invited by him but his little stalker friend got ditched. I wonder what Axel feels about all this, Right Zexion?"

Larxene grunted and stared at her glass of eggnog. "They should just drop everything and fuck already."

I mentally slap myself for inviting them. "For starters, we're not dating. Secondly, we never will date nor come even close to the dating or sexual attracted levels. Thirdly, that's just disgusting, Larxene," I reply to them, playing with my cookie and whipping it in the air with each point I make, purposely making little crumbs from the cookie fall on their faces in a dramatic way.

My parents come into the dining room and place plates of food in front of us. They leave to their room for last second wrapping of gifts but I think they just said that to avoid this strange conversation. I would too, actually.

"Let's just eat, okay guys?" I ask with a faint smile. Let's not talk about me, please? I'd prefer to eat in silence or something much less embarrassing.

"You still haven't answered why you didn't invite Axel to the party," Riku says before taking a bite of his mashed-potatoes. He flips his dyed white hair to the side so that he can see what he's eating. Sora stares at him with pure lust and I try my best not to smile or mock him. It's still a secret that Sora likes Riku.

"Yeah, let's hear it!" Demyx shouts energetically. His brownish-blond hair bounces with each movement. He left his sitar by the door and always glances towards it every twenty seconds. If his sitar turned into a real live woman or even an old man, Demyx would jump on it like a horny dog.

I looked down to my plate which consisted of mashed potatoes, roast beef, carrots, and little Christmas cookies. Axel's face appears in my mashed-potatoes and grins at me. His spiked red hair flows into the carrots. I stab my face and move the food around enough to make it look like mush.

"I just don't like Axel, and that is all." That's all it is.

I don't like him, but they think we are… dating? Why would we? I'm not even gay or anything, right? At least I think I'm not, but that doesn't really matter right now. The fact of the matter is that they think I am attracted – either emotionally or physically – to this man named Axel when I am clearly not. Yeah, he does look really nice at times and I can't help but think about him during the day and dream about him – it's a nightmare! Not any perverted dreams you sickos – but… that doesn't mean I like him.

"Let's leave it be, okay Riku?" Sora asks with a concerned look my way.

They all nod their heads and go back to their conversations sensing my growing anger. I grab a piece of the gingerbread house and excuse myself to go back to my room.

Am I straight? I mean, there were times that I did find Axel attractive. I rarely look at Naminé, Larxene, or any other girl anymore. It's always Axel, but that doesn't mean I like him, right? He just has a nice body and his face – as annoying as it is – is really smooth and determined. He's just one of those guys you can't help but look at him and say man, that guy's attractive.

Every guy has those moments, right?

_You just keep thinking that, Roxas. You should do what Larxene said and drop everything and fuck already_. Look! Even my conscience thinks I like this creep!

I lie down on my black and white checkered bed and stare out my window deep in thought.

Why do I always have to get so confused? It's not like there is anyone I can confront my issues with, right? I am so pathetic.

Why can't the answers just come to me? They can't though, I have to actually get up and search for them.

"Play a song!" Sora shouts from the living room. Demyx starts to play a nice melody on his sitar, something he's obviously wanted to do since he first got here.

I close my eyes and listen to the playful melody echo through my room, letting it all soak in. I sigh and let myself smile for a change. I should go back out there and participate, get distracted or something.

The melody started to slow down and get quieter. I moved closer to the door, trying to listen to it. The notes got very silent to the point where it was barely audible. I opened the door as silently as I could until I could finally hear it.

The song is an old eerie tune that I used to have played in my music box when I was a kid. I can clearly hear every mistake he makes because I've listened to this song that many times but thankfully he'd just grin and bear it.

I lean against the opened door and quietly listen to the tune with a smile. I remember Sora's face whenever he came into my room with a nightmare. I remember when Riku and Sora used to have sleepovers in the room next to me and said scary stories so I'd turn on my music box and play it next to the door and it always succeeded on making them a hundred times more scared then they should be.

These memories are just so relaxing-

Then a large bang appeared on my window. I jumped and closed the door with a slam – there goes being careful not to interrupt Demyx. Slowly, I turn to see what was at my window and saw nobody else but Axel grinning at me – The same person who I was just thinking about.

With shaky and nervous hands, I unlock and open the window to let him inside my room. He pushes me on the bed and stands in front of me carrying a big red bag. The fuck is going on?

"I'm Santa, Roxas, and I'm here to take you away," he says, holding the bag up. What the hell?

"Why are you doing this?"

"Because no matter how many times I'd ask Santa, he'd never give me you so I had to take matters into my own hands. Roxas, I want you." He looked at me intensely and I avoided the gaze with all my might, instead staring at the red bag in his hands.

"Usually, Santa falls down your chimney on Christmas Eve. Usually, Santa is a fat and jolly man. Also, Santa usually doesn't look at you and say that that he wants you. And it's not normal for Santa to use that bag for prisoners," I tell him with a smirk after finally coming up with something clever to say.

"I'm not Santa, I'm axel. And the rules don't apply to me."

He wrapped me up in that large red bag and threw me out the window. I felt my shrubbery breaking under the fall and I cringed. I guess I'm lucky the bush was there to break my fall.

But then Axel landed on top of my head and I felt myself start to go numb. With all my might I trade to keep myself awake and totally conscience.

"Axel, where are you taking me?" I asked with a weak voice through the bag fabric. I don't recall what he said, but it came along the lines of 'to freedom' or something like that.

Who knows where we're going when you're with Axel, right?

--

**Is:**

Is Axel being serious?

He locked me up in a large dog cage in a very dark room. He leaned against the side of the cage and fell right asleep in an instance. I glanced around the room and gasped. This place is completely unfamiliar, dark, and eerie. Where the hell is this place?

Is it a factory, or a home or something? Is this real? At one point during me trying to figure out what _is_ this place I had passed out _again_.

--

Axel let me out of the cage and helped me stand up straight. He pulled me against him with his tight arms and patted my back as I let out my cries.

He didn't dare say a word as I let everything out, my dislike towards him, my fear, my confusion, and he rubbed my back to help me get those sobs that were held back for all this time.

After my last sob left my throat, Axel looked me in the eye and asked, "Are you okay now, Roxas?"

"Thank you, Axel. I just can't take it all anymore! There is nobody there to support me, to hold me up, to let my cry, and to keep me happy and smiling. Nothing and nobody can make me happy anymore and I hate it!"

"What do you want then, Roxas? I can give you anything that you want, just say the words and I'll give you the world."

I stared at Axel with a frown. "I want someone to smile and laugh with. I want someone that will walk out and I can trust will come back the next day. I want someone who can keep a promise and stick by me. That person doesn't exist, though, and I don't think they ever will. They're gone in the deep blue sea, probably taken away by pirates."

Axel took a pirate hat from on top of a box next to us and placed it on my head. "Well pirate, I guess you just need to look into the water and see me waving for you to save me too. Maybe we can save each other?"

Axel wrapped his arms around my waste and pulled me against him. I was reluctant at first but gave in and hugged him back.

"What do you want, Roxas? Just say the words and I'll give you the world."

"I want you, Axel." I say with no regrets.

--

When I gained consciousness, I started to scream and freak out. Some part of that dream wasn't a dream, that's all I know, but I'm too terrified to find out which part it was.

Axel flashed me his apologetic grin and told me to quiet down and I can't remember why I agreed to that but it worked and I started to calm down. I leaned against the side where Axel's back is against, not because I wanted to but because there is a huge spider in the corner that I'm too terrified to kill and I don't want to be anywhere close to it.

The silent goes on and I feel Axel's back de-tense behind me presumably in sleep.

"Axel, are you awake?" I ask him with a whisper after a few hours of silence that had passed by.

Axel grunted and turned to me and said, "I was but you keep moving around in there and it's making a lot of noise." It's not my fault you put me inside of a dog cage with a huge spider threatening to eat my head if I go near it.

"Then let me out," I reply with the best smile I could make in this situation.

"Well, why would I do that? I can barely trust you because of all that screaming for help you made. Honestly, I'm only doing what you wanted."

What does he mean by that?! Is he talking about what we said in my dream? What if that wasn't a dream?

, that can't be true. "And what exactly is it that I wanted? Please, do refresh my memory."

"Remember what you told me? I asked you what you were doing for the holiday and you said that you were going to pray for someone to kidnap you and take you away, right?" So that's what he meant. Well shit, I guess I brought this upon my self? Last time I'm being sarcastic with a total idiot.

"I didn't mean it literally! So you didn't have kidnap me and put me in a cage!" I shouted.

Axel looked at the cage then suddenly jumped in sudden realization. He searched through all his pockets until he came across a little key in which he used to unlock the cage. I crawled out of the cage, trying not to go near the spider that was making its way towards the entrance.

He pulled my arm and helped me stand up but I stumbled over and landed face-first into his chest. Trying to stable myself in a way that hides my blush that was creeping up my neck, I push him away and walk to the wall and lean against it. _'Say the words and I'll give you the world'_

"Where are we?" I ask Axel. He scuffs his feet against the floor awkwardly and looks out the basement window.

"I broke into my old house that I lived in before I moved here. I figure since nobody bought it yet they wouldn't mind me breaking in, right?" he says nervously.

Oh great, isn't that illegal? "I think you just committed a felony – or two – for breaking and entering, as well as KIDNAPPING ME!"

Axel leans against the wall next to me and I get up and move but he grabs my wrist and pulls me to him with a scary look in his eyes. I try to push him away but he hovers over me with a strange look of superiority. Plus he's leaning against a wall so I can't really do any pushing, right? That… that thought sounded really wrong.

"I'm only doing what you wanted, Roxas. Why can't you just be happy for a change?" he asks me with an angry tone. I gasp and let my arms drop in defeat. I wasn't expecting him to say that. It's true; I should be happier but still… I'm being kidnapped! He stares at me with a blank face and I try to look away but he pushes my head back to look at him. "Seriously, what does it take you make you happy? You're like a zombie! I highly doubt that your human anymore so whatever you are just tell me now before you try to fucking bite my head off or something!"

My eyes avert to the floor but he slaps my cheek and makes me look at him. "What are you then?" I spit the question at Axel, to avoid talking and pretending to be angry instead.

"I am Axel and I kidnapped you. I'm a fucking human being who tries so hard to please someone who won't even look at him without force."

I look at him sadly as he looks away. How hypocritical is that? "I'm Roxas, and I'm terrified of this world. I can never know what's happening and there's nobody there with me to tell me what I should do," I blurt out without a second thought. Axel looks at me with a concerned look then shoves me to the floor before leaving upstairs.

"Can't I be that special friend you can talk to?" he mumbled before he left as I lay here in a corner.

I grabbed my head while mentally screaming from the headache he caused me once again. It seems to be bigger than the normal headaches he creates for me to suffer through. We should just make a new brand of medicine that works for "Headaches causes by men with spiky red hair" and it'll become an all-time best seller. A thousand bottles bought in one day for Roxas. Jeez, this is so damn annoying and confusing.

Is this reality or is this a dream?

Or is this a nightmare?

--

**Our:**

Our hideout, that's what Axel named this place. He came back downstairs by sunset and took me to the roof of 'our hideout' and forced me to watch it with him. By he took me to the roof, I mean he grabbed my wrist and dragged me even as I slipped and nearly fell down the stairs. What a great friend, he deserves a medal in the best friend category. If that category doesn't exist, then we'll make it exist because just by seeing how great of a friend Axel is everyone will want to give him the medal.

For some reason, watching the sunset always makes me a hundred times more tired than I originally was before I stepped foot on this roof. I'm almost certain that Axel felt the same by his consistent yawning he made – it's either he's tired or he's trying to fill in the long silence.

Why is this so hard? I can't understand anything.

_"Can't I be that special friend you can talk to?"_ Seriously, what kind of friend kidnaps a kid – an angst-filled confused teenager who might just explode any minutes in either frustration or anger towards this guy kind of kid? Why did this all start?

Oh right, he was just doing what I wanted – Like he honestly has my best interest at heart.

Honestly, I wasn't that confused until a few days ago.

--

During class we spoke about ancient Rome during history, but I honestly didn't give a crap. It was the day after the first snow fall and we were already getting snowed in by the minute. I was too busy looking at the white snowflakes fall from the dark sky and the pile of snow rising more and more up the side of the building until it reaches our window.

I, being completely dazed, didn't hear the teacher give his orders. Not only did I hear them but I didn't realize he even made them all together. I thought he was still giving the lesson.

"Roxas, are you deaf?!" Axel had shouted in my ear. A few people stared at me in annoyance and I just shrugged it off.

"What is it, Ass-hole?"

Axel groaned and slapped himself in the face. "You're absolutely pathetic, you do realize that?" I nodded my head and went back to watching the snow dance down to the earth. Axel sat down in the desk in front of me and turned around to be closer to me. He tapped his hand against my desk in an annoying and fast beat waiting for me to catch his attention.

His impatience got so annoying to the point where I exploded and said, "What the fuck do you want?!"

"Roxas, the teacher partnered us together on this group assignment. You didn't complain or anything so I just assumed you were happy to see my pretty sexy face come over to lean over your shoulder like so-" he walked behind me and bend over my shoulder and pretends to look at the books in front of me. He turns his head and smiled at me. I shoved my hand into his face and he recoiled with a frown. "As I was saying, I thought you'd be happy to work with me but I guess not. That's too bad; I would have done all the work for you after all History is my best subject." He returned back to the seat in front of me and turned around to work with me.

Axel was extremely close and personal that whole day, and it kind of pissed me off. I let him finish the work and I edited it before we presented it to the class. He put up his hand and casually walked to the front, but he ended up forcing me to say the majority of the project.

Whenever I'd leave to go to the bathroom – though I actually left to take a walk – Axel would pretend he was choking and he'd follow with me.

Every time he'd try to strike up a conversation I held up one finger and said "This is my favorite part of this song." Sad thing is, he actually believed that and was silent for the rest of the song.

After school he walked me home but when we got to my house, he grabbed my arm and stared at me with an open mouth, but walked away instead of saying anything. I didn't think twice about it at the time but whatever it was still confuses me to this very moment.

In the morning, instead of following our routine, he waited outside my door wearing a large puffy coat and a big stripped scarf. I commented on it and he started to blush and pushed the blame for the outfit onto his family members. He walked ahead of me with a pained look on his face and looked down at his little puffy coat in some sort of shame.

I feel bad for saying that comment on how it makes him 'look fat' when nothing really did make him look fat – he's skin and bones – and I never saw that coat again for the next few days before the break and he still isn't wearing it.

He listened closely to every word I said, and by closely I mean he would always lean into my personal bubble for a short moment, which would only make my speaking lower and nervous. That made him lean in even closer to hear me, which got annoying.

Everything he did would make me feel awkward or upset, and that started making me feel confused. He never made me happy, nor did he make me sad so I guess that's a good thing. But I still couldn't enjoy my time around him. I thought he said we'd be friends. Don't friends usually laugh?

Ever since he came, I got more depressed and stressed out. I usually took it out on my brother by insulting him or making him feel embarrassed, but I never realized that until Axel commented on his sexuality that one time. I saw that nervous and scared look he had before he left, and I realized just how familiar I am of that expression lately. It only made me feel worse.

"I'm sorry I said your winter clothing made you look fat a few days ago… that was a lie," I admit to him. He stares at me with a smirk.

"You really think that, Roxas?"

"Think what?"

"You think that my winter coat makes me look sexy, right? Come on, admit it!" he says cheerfully, while pushing me slightly. I hold onto the edge of the roof trying not to fall off.

I turn to Axel with a sad expression and say, "Axel… Aren't we supposed to be friends?"

Axel turns away from the sunset and looks at me with a perplexed look. "Well, how often have I mentioned the fact that we are friends since I came here? Only like a bajillion times!"

"Yeah, I know that but…" I wish I never brought it up.

The sun starts to fully set and the sky turns into a darker shade of blue. A huge chill creeps down my neck and I realize that I'm talking to Axel. I'm talking to Axel about my _feelings_. This is just like my dream, only gayer because we're watching the sunset. At least I'm not wearing a pirate hat now, right?

"What is it?" Axel asks with a smile.

I let out a shiver and stare at his fiery red hair hoping it'll give me warmth. "Don't friends usually hang out and laugh without force?"

Axel leans in close to me, kisses my cheek and asks "What's the fun in that? Sometimes you need a little force and power to have fun, if you know what I mean," and leaves me.

That's- That's kind of creepy.

He kissed my cheek… and then he said something really sexual. That's beyond creepy, actually. More like _super_ creepy.

I stay on the roof pretending to look at the stars, but honestly I only stayed up here because I was hoping if someone was looking for me they'd see me here.

--

**Jolly:**

Axel took me back inside the house once it got real dark. He pulled me into a bedroom that I assume he slept in when he was living here.

"You can sleep on the bed, I have a sleeping bag," he says with a small grin.

"No, it's your house, I'll take the sleeping bag," I reply with a small chuckle and pretend that this is like any more sleepover.

Axel puts his hands on his hips and stares at me with an eyebrow raised. "I'm being courteous and offering you a bed and you'd rather sleep on the floor?"

"There's no blanket on the bed," I admit to why I was disagreeing. Axel looks at the bed and then smirks at me.

"I've got an idea. You get the bed, I'll get you a blanket, okay?" he finishes. I cautiously lay down on the bed as he leaves the room. Whatever idea he has is probably something really stupid, which it always is.

The room has red walls and an orange carpet. The curtains are black and the door is black as well. This room just screams that Axel had slept in this room.

I lie back on the bed and smell Axel's usual scent still in the bed, as well as some dust. He used to sleep here, on this bed, every night. That fact… actually makes me feel really awkward. Who knows what he did on this bed.

Several minutes pass and all I did was fidget with my shirt that smells of Christmas dinner, Axel, and the cologne I put on this morning. I wonder how Sora is doing. I wonder if he and Riku are getting along fine.

Do any of them realize that I'm missing? Do they even want me back, though? After all I was acting rude during the early dinner, what if they don't want me back after all of that?

Is Axel the only one who wants to be with me on Christmas, or is he just 'doing what I wanted'? Great, not even my stalker wants me…

Axel probably just left me and went home saying I'm too damn annoying. Either that or he stole all the blankets and ran to the couch.

"Where is he?" I whisper under my breath. It's freezing in here.

"Roxas!" he shouts as he runs into the room just in time. He dives on the bed sideways so that his stomach lands on my stomach. "I'll be your blanket for tonight!"

Oh god no. "Get off me! I'd rather freeze to death!" I shout, pushing him with all my might.

"You're the one kidnapped so you have to listen to me," he explains with a grin. He sits on my stomach to make sure that I don't get up or move.

I lie back down in defeat and just let him sit there. He's skinnier than he seems, for a man of skin and bones. I'd expect some weight; after all he is very tall… I feel so much warmer now, though.

"So you're willing to sleep with me?" he asks with a happy face.

"NO, I am willing to sleep _next_ to you. I'm way too tired to struggle anymore," I explain properly. Axel really needs to learn how to word things properly.

Axel smacks his hand against my chest before sliding off my stomach and onto the mattress. He stares at me as if expecting me to move. I move my arms and legs, sit up, and then stretch. He flinches and is most likely thinking that I'm trying to escape.

He watches my every movement closely in disbelief.

"Stop watching me! I'm just stretching, okay?!" I shout after his eyes begin to annoy me. He stares at the bed, but I can tell he's still watching from the corner of his eyes.

With one huge stretch, I fall backwards on the bed yawning and move furthest away from him. He lies back cautiously and watches me to make sure that I don't get up and leave.

This is the worst kidnapping to happen in the world. Honestly, watching the news one day and people will think it's a comedy. 'Roxas- Tell us, what did that kidnapper do to you? Why did he kidnap you?'

'We watched the sunset, talked about our feelings, and shared a bed together. Oh dear it was dreadful!' I'd reply to the reporter.

The reporter would probably back away slightly and raise an eyebrow. 'There was no violence, no real troubles?'

'It was hard to get out of bed in the morning without waking Axel up, even though I really had to pee.' I'd then reply. The reporter would pack up her things and walk away.

Seriously, what kind of kidnapping is this?! It's more like some strange sexual fantasy of some sick mind. It's almost as if I can hear her or him laughing in the background.

Axel rolled over in sleep and wrapped his arms around my waist. Oh great, he's a cuddler and a fast sleeper.

The sound of a police siren went off outside and I watched it passed out the window. I held my hand up to in trying to wish it to come back and take me home but it drove off and I was left upset.

This is going to be a long Christmas.

--

**Christmas:**

After we finished watching the sunset, I left Roxas upstairs. He seemed to be upset and deep in thought after what I had done. I don't really know what came over me, but I felt the urge to kiss him. I gave him a kiss on the cheek and blurted out the first thing that came to mind before I left. As soon as I was clearly out of sight, I ran straight to my old room and jumped on the bed in embarrassment like a little school girl.

That's when I felt the relief I needed; a place to relax.

Roxas needs to relax more than I do, so I should trick him into staying in a bed. I don't mind sleeping on the floor, if it were to come down to it.

I seriously just want him to be happy. He is my 'friend' after all.

Maybe I should explain my intentions more clearly now before I get cut off and the story gets pushed aside to the confused emotional loser that's currently sitting on the roof waiting to be found when I know he won't be.

A few months ago I went to the park with Xigbar and Luxord. Luxord pointed to a boy sleeping against a tree and began, "See that boy over there? What is he to you?"

Xigbar and I turned to him and shrugged. I said, "He's just an emo. He's just nobody to me."

Luxord burst into laughter and turned to me and said, "All nobodies have some sort of feelings, though. I bet that you can't make him show any."

Xigbar looked at the boy again and nodded his head, "I don't think anyone can make that guy laugh."

"That's not true! I probably can break him! Who doesn't laugh with a funny guy like me around?" I said as Xigbar chuckled and shook his head.

"I bet that if you can't make him say that he's truly happy by the end of Christmas break… You'll…" Luxord thought aloud. Xigbar stared at him impatiently.

"What about love? He seems like a homo, don't you think?" Xigbar held up his fingers to make the shape of a gun then aimed it at Roxas to tell me that he's the target.

"Yes, if he says he loves you we'll owe you. How about that? If he says that he's truly happy by the end of the break, it's a neutral effect and we owe nothing, but if he is still the same then you owe us a thousand dollars, if he falls for you we owe you a thousand. After that you can just dump him and break him or whatever you want. How about it, Axel, will you do it?" Luxord proclaimed.

I stared at Roxas awkwardly and nervously but nodded my head anyways. "You guys better get that check book ready. Who doesn't love an Axel?" I said without doubt.

Now, I feel doubt that I can make him care for me, let alone make him happy. Roxas is even beginning to slip away from what little friendship we have.

_"Axel… Aren't we supposed to be friends?" "Don't friends usually hang out and laugh without force?"_

This isn't going to work! I scratch my head furiously trying to distract myself from my thoughts. But I can't just give up now…

I walk up the stairs and climb out a window that leads to the roof. I put my hand on his shoulder and pointed outside. He let out a sigh so I pulled him gently in the house. I stayed silent and left him to his thoughts. We reached my room and I stared at the bed.

He has to relax more and loosen up.

--

I was startled by the fact that he was actually willing to share a bed with me. I just stared at him in shock, not knowing what to say. A million perverted things threatened to spill out of my mouth but a million swear words were close behind.

Then he started to stretch. His muscled body started to show and I don't know what came over me but I blushed a bit. Thankfully he thought I was just making sure he wouldn't leave. He must be seriously oblivious.

But it's strange. I'm not gay, and I've never thought these things before. I blame Xigbar for putting the thought of 'love' in with this little mission.

I pretend to fall asleep, roll over, and I wrap my arms around his waist. I can feel him instantly tense up. One day, I will make him relax enough to hug me back. After all, He's mine for the Christmas break.

But then, the sound of police sirens start to go off outside and I felt Roxas holding his arm out. Then I felt guilty for everything. For taking him away, or making that bet, and for taking away whatever was left of his happiness.

--

On Christmas morning, I woke up with Roxas' arms around me as he's in a peaceful sleep. A huge grin is plastered on his face and I start to blush. I puked his side and he woke up with a gasp. He sat up, taking me with me and starts to tear up and he holds onto me tightly.

"Sora, I had a terrible dream!" he says with sobs coming from his eyes. Then he looks at me and starts to blush. "Only, it wasn't a dream."

That's just great. "Merry Christmas, Roxas," I say with the best grin I can pull together. Roxas thinks of me as a nightmare.

My name is Axel, and I am a nightmare apparently.

* * *

AN: Yey for fast paced stories

Yey for long chapters

yey for libraries

Guys, I don't have internet so I'll be uploading at the library for a while.  
This is my chapter, but I'm not uploading the next one because IM A JERK.

See yoou in a week or two. I MIGHT get my internet back on the ... 20 something... at... some time.... or something.

Monday: Amy's Tuesday: writing day Wednesday: volunteering/extra time on writing. Thursdays: Art club/upload day. Fridays: SAYF ALL NIGHT LONG BEBE. And the weekend is art and a little bit of writing and sleepovers

THAT IS MY WEEK. I SCHEDULED YOU INTO IT. But I ignored homework and studying. LOL


	4. Why Don't You Say What You Want

_**Disclaimer**_:I do not own Kingdom Hearts, I can't remember who, and frankly I don't care at 2:09AM D:

**Note: **_Next update:_ either next week or the week after. I'm going to see my honeyboo (My best friend) for the break. :/  
**Note2:** There will be kiss scenes in this story and very vague scenes about... those... unholy acts. But I will never overdescribe those acts. It will be something like "AND THEY DO IT ALL NIGHT LONG". Does that count as mature? Should I change the setting from whatever it is right now to mature? You tell me what to do please

* * *

**Chapter Three:**

Somewhere out there, someone is opening their presents in happiness. Somewhere out there someone is at church celebrating a special day. Somewhere out there someone is crying in pure joy. Somewhere else someone is having fun. Somewhere else someone is happy.

But in this home that Axel and I currently share for the most part, I am bawling my eyes out because I woke up from a dream where I was with my family and friends getting ready for Christmas then I got taken away by a man in black. I woke up with Axel, someone who had taken me away from my family.

Merry fucking Christmas, everyone, now please go fuck yourselves.

...Maybe I should hold on the profanity.

--

_**Why:**_

Axel and I got into a fight. A complete legit fight with punches, kicks, and profanity, the sad thing is that it was a fight over the most stupid reasons.

Oh, now you want to know how it went? Fine, then read on you stalkers.

"You know, real men don't cry," Axel said with a smirk.

I'd reply with, "You know, real men don't cuddle when they sleep."

"You know, real men don't wake up and expect their brothers to be there to listen to your dreams. I didn't really think of you as the type to still sleep with your brother. Perhaps that's why you were so keen to sleep with me."

"You know, when you say 'sleep with me' it sounds really wrong and you should just stop that. Also, it's not my fault that I was expecting to wake up in my home like I always do on a normal day."

"You know, you're just an idiot."

"You know, I hate you," I replied in the end.

Axel kissed my lips and ran out the room with a smirk on his face. I got so infuriated so I chased after him. I tackled him down and punched him in the face not really knowing what else I should do.

We threw around some punches and I kneed him in the gut. He sat back to catch his breath but I jumped on him and clawed at him. He tried holding me back but my knee slipped and I landed on top of him.

"Well then, Roxas, I didn't know that you wanted me that much. I know that you were so happy to sleep with me last night-"

"Slept BESIDE you," I corrected him.

Axel smirked and said, "You just proved my point."

I punched his eye and swore at him with as many curse words that I could find in my little brain, and he punched my jaw to shut me up. I put a hand to my mouth and felt blood running onto it. It even smelt like blood, so I knew it was blood without even having to look.

With one swift moment, I threw him against a wall and glared at him the most coldest glare I could come up with. "Listen, you imbecile, you need to fucking get a clue on some things. I would NEVER wish to be anywhere near you. Honestly, you creep me out and make me want to barf out ugly rainbows. So if you'd mind, I'd like you to just shut the hell up, let me go free and let me be with my brother. Any step you take closer to me just makes me infuriated of your very existence and makes me want to jump out a 12 story window and land to my doom. Hopefully with you underneath so that I can kill you. The sooner the better, actually."

He pushed me off of him before I could make a clever reply and left me for the washroom.

The only thing that I actually wanted to say was "Why did you kiss me before?" but the answer sort of scared me. He's just messing with my head, I know it.

Stop playing with me, Axel. I hate being played with.

--

_**Don't:**_

"Don't you know anything?!" I yelled in his ear.

We were trying to cook lunch. I'd ask for eggs, toast, pancake supplies, and other things but Axel was having issues making even one small thing from that list. He can't cook worth shit. Actually, shit would taste better than what he cooks for me.

"Well, I'm sorry that the only thing I've ever cooked was soup!" he replies angrily. I knew it. He's one of those 'Mr. Noodles' kind of guy.

"Look, just crack those eggs into that pan but make sure the yolk doesn't break," I instructed him. He stared at the egg and then the pan and repeated that unproductive process again and again. I grabbed his hand and guided it to the pan. We cracked the egg together and made it properly. Axel gasped and started to work finally, as if he needed some sort of help.

The smell of delicious food filled the air and I started to get a little worried as I got hit with realization. Won't the people selling the home realize that the gas bill and electricity has been rising? I told Axel my worries but he continued on silently.

Now he's silent, when I have a serious question? You know what, I shouldn't have told him anything and let the cops find me and take me home.

"We better make a lot of leftovers and stop using the lights."

"Oh no, what ever will we do for entertainment?!" I shouted in mock fear.

Axel gave me a smirk and slapped my ass with a spatula that still had egg on it. "Don't worry; we can keep each other company."

I wiped off the eggs off my ass and frowned at him. "You mean I will be forced to keep you entertained. I am, after all, your prisoner."

"Oh yeah, you are definitely going to be doing that. And when it starts to get cold in here I'll knock you unconscious and use you as a pillow."

"You won't have to do that. I am so hot that you'll be all sticky once I'm through with you," I mumble.

"DID YOU JUST SAY WHAT I THINK YOU SAID?!" He shouted in my ear, nearly dropping the pancake he was flipping.

I thought back to what I said then gasped. "I didn't mean it like that! Nononono, shut up you pervert! I didn't say that!"

"Yes you did! Oh how I wish I had a voice recorder to get that down!" He flipped the pancakes and the eggs with enthusiasm and I frowned as they landed on the plate perfectly.

I set the plates on the table and moved to turn off all the lights in the house. He sat down on the table beside me and grinned. "Food minus the lights sets a very romantic mood."

I sat down on the perfectly clean table Axel found in the basement and stared at my plate of food. He purposely cut my food into a heart. Axel burst into laughter at the sight of my disapproving face. With all my will, I grabbed my fork and began to eat my heart-shaped food. Stabbing the food fiercely with my fork and knife, I took a bite of his eggs and tried not to gag.

Axel ate his food with a few random chuckles thrown in here and there.

"What is so damn funny, Axel?" I asked him impatiently after he burst into laughter a third time.

"Today is Christmas, and I just had the best idea of how the two of us should celebrate it."

I shook my head and glared at him. "Whatever your idea may be, Axel, I refuse to take one move in this idea. Frankly, your ideas have gotten me in trouble and angry far too often for me to take comfort in your 'best ideas', got it?"

Axel scarfed down his meal with a pained look and completely ignored me.

After our meal, I placed the paper plates into the garbage and took a seat on the uncomfortable couch. He followed behind me and took a seat with an exaggerated sigh and proceeded to look out the window.

Every-so-often he'd continue with a sigh and I'd reply with some sort of groan. He'd turn to me and look at me with disappointed or expecting glance. I'd return his look with an annoyed glance then avert my eyes towards the window. Snowflakes falling towards the Earth is more fascinating then Axel's 'best idea ever'.

But I am curious...

He looked at me one last time then gave up with a sigh. He stood up from the house and headed towards the bathroom, but I grabbed his arm and patted the couch next to me. Axel then sat down with a grin plastered on his face.

"What is this idea you have, Axel?" I finally gave in and asked him.

Axel leaned back on the plastic-covered couch and put his legs over mine in relaxation. Great, now I'm his little pillow or something.

"Well, I'd dress up as Santa, tie you up with ribbon and then-"

"Why ribbon?" I asked him.

"So that you won't be completely naked."

Naked + Ribbon? "No, what kind of sick idea is that?!"

"It's called bondage- Anyways, as I was saying. Then I'd throw you in the snow and you'd get all cold and look at me with a sad expression and say, 'Santa, please help me. I'm cold.' then I'd jump in the snow with you and we'd do it right there."

My mouth continued to drop more and more after he said the word 'bondage'. I am utterly speechless and freaked out.

"Firstly, no. New rule! No saying the word 'bondage' or any form of sexual fantasy. Keep it to yourself."

"Then you can't whine or complain about anything I do!" he replied with a grin.

I frowned at him and said, "I do NOT whine! Nor do I complain about anything. Now get your feet off me, they're starting to stink!"

"Is that complaining I hear?" he asks.

"No, that was an order, asshole," I say firmly. He takes his feet off my lap with a grunt and look at the floor. "Secondly, you are perverted. No molestation, talking about it, thinking, or anything of the sort. Actually, let's just leave it at 'no perverted doings'. No swearing; other than asshole and Rox-ass because we both know we can't avoid that one – I really hate curse words for some reason. And finally, no doing idiotic things."

"What's my penalty if I do them?" he says with a raised eyebrow.

I stop to think for a second when a strange idea came to mind. "You have to get into your underwear and lay down in the snow and freeze your ass off."

"Okay, Rox-ass. What's your penalty then?" he replies, nodding his head to the conditions.

"Up to you, Santa."

"Then you have to kiss me. On the lips, no complaining either. Or else it'll go further than that, after all it is one of the rules not to complain, Rox-ass."

My skin literally felt pale but I nodded my head. Why would he ask for that?

"Then the rules final, got it memorized?" he asked me. He held out a hand and I shook it in agreement.

"Yes, asshole."

Note to self: Don't break the rules.

--

_**You:**_

As the snow dances down, trying to reach someone's warm hands they land on the ground gracefully in disappointment. Each snowflake wants a home to land on, someone's hand to admire, or just a nice place to fall yet nobody wants to be cold nowadays. So the snow it left there to be stepped on in the future times.

It's upsetting, if you seriously think about it.

Axel took a seat next to me at the window sill and looked out the window with me. I put my arms on my knees and rested my head on them while pretending like I didn't notice his presence.

The snow continues to dance and I let out a sigh. I wish I could fall freely like that. I would do anything for something so carefree like dancing in the wind. I wish I could fall and someone would be there to catch me.

"What are you thinking, Roxas?" Axel asks curiously. I jump in in fright from the sound of his voice.

"It's just that... the snow is so depressing, if you think about it. Bodies of water evaporate, leaving it's home, then stays with their heads in the sky until they begin to fall. The snowflakes fall, hoping that someone will reach out with their hands and catch them before they completely fall. Then the snow is stepped on, rejected and nothing really important anymore until it melts into the ground and repeats this process as a new man, a raindrop."

Axel lets out a chuckle before patting me on the back. "Typical Roxas, thinking far too much. What about the times when a little boy or girl catches the snow with their hands with utter fascination towards the flake? Photographers love it, and everyone loves the first fallen snowflake. Each snowflake gives hope to a good winter. We may step on them as they fall, but we love the snow. What would we do without it?"

"I never thought about it that way..."

I continued to stare at the snowflakes with Axel, when I stared to feel Axel's head on my shoulder.

"What do you usually do during Christmas?" Axel asks me.

I thought back to every Christmas eve and morning that I shared with my family and smirked. "I usually get kidnapped by a skinny guy with red hair. I usually sleep with the guy, and watch the snowflakes fall down from the sky and get all emotional."

"Very funny, Roxas. But I'm being serious, for once, what do you do for Christmas?"

"My brother, Sora, would dress up as Santa for everyone in the house and put gifts under the tree. He'd then go to everyone's house in the neighborhood and give them small little trinkets. He'd say things like it was his duty to bring joy and a smile to everyone's face. It's the typical Sora thing to do, though, am I right?"

Axel smiled and nodded his head.

I told him stories about my brother, and I haven't a clue why I trusted him, but I did.

"But why did Sora always dress up as Santa? Why not your father?"

"Because Sora is selfless, he just wanted people to be happy."

Axel nodded with head with a smirk before he left the room and something told me that I shouldn't have trusted him. Never.

–

_**Say:**_

Axel came downstairs with both a Santa suit and a huge grin across his face. I stared at him with a blank face, trying to process if this is a dream or not.

He poked my forehead and waved at me, and he's in my personal bubble as usual. "Let's go!" He says with a cheer.

"Where can we go, everything is closed. It's Christmas!" I exclaimed, throwing my arms up to the obvious.

Axel chuckled, grabbed my hand that was still in the air and led me out the door. He yelped and dragged me back inside within a split second to put on our boots. I looked around for my jacket but I couldn't find it.

With a groan, Axel threw his jacket on top of my shoulders and pointed to the door. I put my arms through them with a blush and followed him out the door and down the winding pathways. I looked down at the hand that he was pulling with a realization that his hand is still present in mine.

I tugged on it slightly to get his attention and he turned back to look at me with a smile. I had a sudden brain-dead moment so I moved next to him to hold onto his arm for leverage. "Are you scared?" he asked me with a smirk.

"I was about to fall because you were walking so fast, Asshole," I replied with a frown. Axel laughed and continued to walk, holding onto my arm so that it wont let go of his. It felt really weird to be so close to him, and not a good weird.

His cool breath tickled my ear whenever he looked towards my right to see the street names. His eyes look intense in focus and it felt weird to be looking into them. It felt like I was going something that I shouldn't, just by walking next to him.

The sky was getting extremely dark and I felt afraid that someone might try to mug us on Christmas so I decided to distract my thoughts with Sora.

There was a time when Sora and I didn't really talk that much. I was always angrier because everyone thought that I was nobody and Sora was a somebody. Whenever we played together in the park and I'd wander off to get the soccer ball that we kicked too far the little boys and girls in the park would utter 'it's his nobody' or 'he's Sora's nobody'. Nobody ever understood that I had a name.

I would always yell "I am not Sora!" whenever a parent would call me that. Plus, the fact that I was always standing closely to Sora meant that introductions seemed to be harder.

I regret all the times I was angry at him, and I regret all the times I tried to hurt him for my displeasure.

The fact that I remember this on Christmas just proves that I'm a stupid silly and depressing sod.

Then something hit me hard, and it hurt me. A need to laugh hit me. I burst into laughter and Axel stared at me nervously as if I had lost my mind and I don't blame him for having that though.

"Roxas, are you okay?" Axel asks me worriedly. I chuckle and slap his thigh playfully.

"I'm fine, I just felt like laughing," I say once I finally calm down enough to speak but I burst into laughter again anyways.

"I'm sorry," Axel says suddenly. My laughter suddenly leaves me and I stare at him seriously. "I took you away from your home thinking that it might make you finally happy but that was just an assumption and I hadn't really used any real logic into why you might truly want this."

He looked at me in the most sincere way I have ever seen him do and I felt like shit. I threw him down into a pile of snow with a large grin on my face, but my heart was aching and telling me that I shouldn't be smiling.

If you're going to tell me something, then just say it!

"It's beautiful when it snows," Axel says from the ground. I roll my eyes and stare up at the sky to see what he's talking about. The snowflakes are falling slower than before, so I'd have to agree with his statement.

The gray clouds make the night seem more dull and bland, but the snowflakes bring the sky to life. Seeing the millions of flakes dancing and spinning around with each other, enjoying every last moment they have with each other before they end… it's inspiring.

Axel stands up beside me and I turn to him with a frown. "You can keep me for the winter break, but I expect you to take me home the midnight before school begins."

Axel breaks into a huge grin and nod his head. "As long as you understand that you're free to go whenever you please, okay? But after we make our little trip."

"Darn, my plan failed me," I joke. "Where are we going anyways?"

"Right there," he says, while moving his pointing finger in a very cool fashion that makes him seem like he can make me do anything but it also makes him seem silly with the Santa suit on which I realize now that he was doing it to make me feel happier and more at home like Sora's tradition. I follow his finger and stare off into the direction he's pointing at and I see a large pub.

"Great, just what you need: to get drunk. As if you aren't already fucked up," I say with a frown. Axel laughs and pushes me towards the door.

"You'll like it, Rox-ass."

"I believe that's what she had said," A man with a short cut blond hair says so Axel as we enter the door.

Axel bursts into laughter and waves at the man casually. "You still can't do it, can you Luxord?"

"Face it, I'm not of youth anymore," Luxord replies with a smirk. "Who's the twerp?"

"This is my new husband, Roxas."

"YOU ARE NOT MY HUSBAND. We are... acquaintances," I correct Axel with a frown. Axel waves me off and shrugs at Luxord.

Luxord stares at me with curiosity as if he's analyzing what I'm going to do next. Axel leans closer to me and crosses his arms. "He's not going to gamble with you, Luxord."

"I'm almost certain I can get something out of him, though! He looks like a bad bluffer."

"Oh, thanks," I say while rolling my eyes. I grab Axel's sleeve and drag him into the dance floor.

He says something to me but the sound of the music drowns him out. I shrug my arms before pointing to my ears. He leans in really close to me and the smell of his cologne engulfs me.

I put my hand to his chest to push him away but he holds them to himself. "Want something to drink?" he whispers to me quietly in my ear. The feel of his breath on my ear makes me shudder and gulp.

With all my might, I nodded my head. I'll need a drink to get by this little stop.

He blows him my ear and laughs as my body grows tense and I'm unable to move. He walks away to the bar, leaving me incapable of moving an inch across the floor.

I watch him walk away with a realization that I am infatuated with a man. I'm not infatuated with just any man, though. No, I am completely turned on by the guy that I had previously found utterly repulsive. With the bizarre and awkward moments he creates, I haven't a moment to find myself thinking any words about how ugly he is. Yeah, I do get rather annoyed or disturbed when he is around, but I never hate his presence. Even when we had shared the bed at night, I didn't find myself hating it at all, only the fact that I had to share.

If I truly hated this man, I would loathe his very being. But I don't, I find myself attracted to him, and somewhat happy.

I stared at my hand as if it was the most interesting thing in the planet, and I still feel his fingers in mine. People around me bounce against me as they dance wearing festive costumes and unable to care for anything in the world.

Axel came back to me with two margaritas in his hand. I take the one he holds out to me and gulp it down, trying to push the thoughts away. Axel takes a small gulp and hands the rest to me. "I hate these, but the bartender was so pushy. Nobody ordered any tonight. It was all rum and egg nog."

I gulp it down in a second and put the glasses onto a table near us. I wrapped my arms around his waist to steady myself and blamed it on the beer yet I just wanted to get closer to him.

"Whoa there, Rox-ass. Are you a lightweight or something?" he asks with concern. I nodded my head just to shut him up.

The DJ stopped the music with a smile and said "This is to all the couples out here tonight, and to those trying hard to hook up with some girl but need a reason to, here it is. Merry Christmas, guys!" he turned on a nice slow song and people started to pair up.

My arms, already around his waist, start to feel heavy and my head becomes more focused on Axel. I started to dance, making him follow in suit and he did.

We danced to the beat, and all my troubles began to fade away from both the alcohol and heat that Axel produced.

"D'you want to know a secret?" I ask Axel.

"What is it, Rox-ass?"

"I have a a little crush on a boy," I say, putting emphasis on the 'boy'. My mouth continued on spilling out everything, even though I kept telling it to shut up. "His name is Axel, and I think he's very hot."

"Oh really? Is he on fire?" Axel asks me with a smirk.

I nodded my head and rested my head on his shoulder. "I used to think it was immoral, dude. It's so weird!"

Axel chuckled, and kept on dancing. I felt people staring at us probably thinking what I used to think. 'That is horrible' or 'look, it's a couple gay guys'. I'm just dancing with him, though.

"Sh, it's a secret," I whisper in his ear. His Santa hat hits my eye and I frown and stare at it hoping that just by staring at it will make it explode.

"I won't tell a soul."

–

_**What:**_

We walked home, and I'll admit I am a little tipsy.

"Roxas, walk straight you idiot. I can't carry you home!" Axel shouted at me. I batted his arm and walked ahead of him angrily down to our home.

The flashing colors terrified me, I knew something bad was happening. I just hope that they're not coming to take me home. I stare at the salmon colored house and the police men walking through the doors.

"What's going on?" I ask Axel and he walks up to one of the police officers to get an answer for me. What a gentleman.

"Officer, what seems to be the matter?" Axel asks the officer casually. The officer raises an eyebrow and points to the house that we were staying in for the time being.

"You see this place? Have you seen any teenagers breaking into it? There has been evidence of breaking and entering. If you've seen anything, just let it out, okay?" Officer says, while looking at us expectantly.

Axel looked at me with laughter in his eyes. "No, sir, we haven't seen a thing. We'll keep you posted, though. You know us kids, we are all connected through facebook and other social sites and crap like that."

The officer chuckled and waves us off. Axel took my hand and dragged me away before I could say anything to the man.

"We're staying at my friend's house tonight, okay?" Axel asks me. "That is, if you actually still want to stay with me."

"You're my kidnapper, and the kidnapped does what the kidnapper says."

Axel tries not to laugh and continues to walk quickly down the streets.

The bends in the street make me really tired and slightly nauseous. I push Axel away and puke on the floor. I drank several other drinks while I was there at the bar, and Axel only had a sip of each. I drank more, only hoping to get him drunk with me. That was not a good idea.

"I told you that you shouldn't have drunken that last glass but did you listen to me? No, you just really wanted one more. Gosh, you're such an id-dee-ot." But I guess my plan did work a little bit.

Axel carried me on my back towards a large building. He buzzed in a random number and we waited several rings before we got an answer.

"Hello?"

"It's Axel, let me in."

"Well hello, Axel how are you-"

"Just open the damn door!" The man on the other line did as Axel told him and opened the door. We rode the elevator up, me still on Axel's back, and I started to feel sick again.

With all my will I tried to keep the puke in and succeeded with a ding as the elevator doors opened. He turned right down the narrow hallway and walked in the second door on the right. An older man with an eye patch greeted him with a smile and Axel let me down on a couch.

"We need a place to stay."

"What the hell did you do this time?!"

–

_**You:**_

Axel introduced the man to me as Xigbar, they are apparently good friends and I thought it was strange that someone attractive would be friends with someone... unattractive.

"You can take anything in the fridge, sleep in any room in the house, and if that dumb-ass has to puke it needs to be in either a sink or a toilet."

"Why do you say it like you're leaving?" Axel asks.

"Luxord invited me to a poker match with Saix. It'll be fun. Besides, you need all the privacy you can get if you want to win this little bet we have."

Axel nodded his head and handed Xigbar a twenty. Xigbar grunted, pocketed the money and walked out the door.

When I heard the door click, I automatically started to look around the dull white apartment. The rest of the building is made the same, but you'd think that the rooms had at least some life in it, right?

Axel grabbed my hand and led me to a nice room. The walls here a pale red and the bed was deep red. It had a black carpet and the room just screamed that it was Axel's.

"Sometimes, I escape to this house and I get to sleep in the guest room. I run here more often then you'd think so Xigbar just let me make it however I wanted."

I sat down on the bed and nodded my head. Axel sat down next to me and fiddled with his fingers.

I watched and his thumb twirled around the other in at the same speed and tempo with fascination that quickly turned to boring. Neither of us said a word.

I looked away from his hands and stared at the walls that had posters of zombies and other gruesome things. Then without a word, I leaned my head against a shoulder.

"Want to know a secret?" Axel asks me.

"What is it, asshole?"

Axel rests his head on mine and says, "I have a crush on a boy named Roxas. But it feels illegal. I bring him confusion and pain and I don't feel that I deserve anything like him."

"How illegal does it feel?" I ask him curiously.

"As if I'm breaking the worst law in the world just by sitting next to him. I feel like I don't deserve the right to be within a hundred feet near him."

"Does that mean you like me?" I ask Axel.

Axel shakes his head. "I can't... I just can't, Roxas. I probably will never, too."

His hand grabs mine, and they fit perfectly together and it makes my other hand feel naked. So with my free hand, I pull Axel's cheek to make him look at me and then let it rest there.

"Want to do something that will feel like you deserve to be in prison?"

Axel nods his head and stares at me. I rest my forehead on his and smile at him. You may be the one I've been waiting for, but right now I'd rather let the alcohol do the talking, Axel.

I stared at him one last time before I made our lips touch. Then a flame suddenly burst inside me and I felt like I needed more.

Axel squeezed my hand and shut his eyes so I did the same and tried to imagine something pleasing to look at and all I could see was Axel still in front of me, kissing me back.

I tugged on his lip with my teeth and tried to open his lips. He opened them obediently and I let my tongue do the rest. But Axel seemed to be a lot more experienced with this. Axel threw me on the bed, without ending our kiss.

We made out and I didn't mind at all. The feeling of his tongue on mine, and the taste of margarita and other alcoholic beverage is shared between us.

His hand traveled up my thigh and to my chest where he started to feel me up. I kept one arm on the back of his head to make sure that he doesn't stop this flavor from entering my mouth and let my other hand trail down his back.

Our kiss got deeper and more urgent, and I still wanted more. Then Axel's lips left mine with a smirk and I stared at him confused. But then I was met with happiness and the confusion just melted away. Axel started to bite my ear, before he started to trail down my neck. I let out a moan because I couldn't help it anymore. No matter how much I could say I hated this feeling, I never really would mean it.

He tugged at my ear again and I started to pant. The ear is my most sensitive spot on me. "F-fuck you," I muttered under my breath.

Axel laughed in my ear and I started to feel completely and fully aroused that I couldn't help it.

I bit by lip when Axel backed away, trying to hide my pleasure and trying to play the kidnapped role like I should act.

"I'm sorry," Axel muttered before getting off me. I laid there, wishing that he would come back to me so we could continue but I could tell that the feeling already left him.

"Fuck you," I said with a frown, wanting anything more from him.

"I wish I could fuck you too, babe."

As if.

–

_**Want?:**_

We laid in the same bed together in utter silence and it was starting to piss me off. What the hell is he trying to do to me? Is he trying to hurt me?

"What do you want?" I finally asked him after an hour and forty-seven minutes of silence. I'd know because I counted.

"What do you mean?" he replied.

"You've been playing me for a fool for the longest time now and I just want an honest answer."

Axel waited a bit before he replied with, "What was the question?"

"What the hell do you want with me?" I asked him again more slowly and firmly.

"Roxas, I can honestly say that I have no idea. My mind is saying several things at once and I just want to get some sleep so can you shut up for a bit?"

"Go fuck yourself."

"Gladly, but you're here so it'd be kind of awkward. Though I am certain that you were probably willing to do it for me earlier."

"Why did you kiss me if you're so dead set against it?"

Axel stared at me with a face that said 'it should be obvious' and replied with, "It was the condition in the rules we had made earlier today. You really shouldn't swear."

"Fuck you."

Axel kisses my lips and rolls over to his side. We lay there in silence before sleep finally engulfs me. Tonight, he wasn't much of a cuddler. And tonight, I was glad that he wasn't.

Something about him makes me want to just rip his head off and jump on it a thousand times to make it look like road kill.

--

** Why don't you say what you want?

* * *

**

**Sorry for the lack of updates. I have an actual excuse:**  
I was wiithout internet for about 3 weeks.  
I got an eviction notice  
I'm failing three subjects  
Final week before the break is often busy  
I feel discouraged for writing  
My friend started to read and it felt awkward knowing that she'd be reading too. D:  
I have church now. D:

Those are actual reasons for my absence. I've just been so stressed lately. But I got an ipod touch, and that got my happiness level full to the extreme. And my inspiration is just booming. I have this huge idea for a new story BUT I unfortunately decided to ignore all ideas and stick with my main two stories. This one and my other one on Fiction press. (which you will never find)

I actually editted, Ariel. GAWSH. It's 2AM so don't blame me if I missed some thinks or said "part" instead of "park" again or something stupid like that. GOSH. NAAAAGGGG

Merry Christmas. I just HAD to update on Christmas. It is a story about Christmas after all.

* * *

Bye. 3


	5. We Shouldn't Do This

Caution: There is... sort of... a lemon. I chickened out okay? Gosh.

Disclaimer: I don't own Kingdom hearts or anything mentioned, though I don't think I mentioned anything this time. D:

* * *

**Chapter Four:**

I woke up with a fucking son of a bitch worth of a headache and all I wanted to do was rip someone's fucking head off.

I am never touching another stupid alcoholic beverage anymore. What the hell even happened?! I remember when me and Axel- Oh yeah.

That's right I fucking confessed that I'm completely infatuated with him and pretty much wanted to get inside his pants. This is just fucking great.

You know what makes it worse? I don't think he really likes me. This is fucking perfect.

Good fucking morning.

--

_**We:**_

We woke up with a bang.

"Hello is anybody home?" a man called from the entrance of this unfamiliar apartment. Axel climbed out of bed with a groan before leaving the room and moved towards the living room. Feeling alone, I pull the abnormally heavy and annoying blankets off of my body to follow them. Axel and this man, I think he said his name was Xigbar, were drinking coffee while watching the news.

"Morning, sunshine," Xigbar greets me while holding up his cup with a smirk. I ruffle my hair awkwardly at the entrance not really knowing what else I could do.

Axel patted the couch next to him to gesture for me to sit next to him. With a plop, I plant my ass next to Axel and watch the news.

"Kidnapping occurred Christmas Eve of an adolescent inside of his own home. The young man was last seen my his family stuffed in a bag and thrown out the window. The kidnapper had a hood on so he was unseen. We were told that the kidnapper was extremely thin and tall and the boy that was kidnapped had short blond hair and dark clothing. If you see or hear anything about this please call the police immediately-"

Axel turned of the TV with a fit of laughter and smiled at me. I stared at him with a frown. "See Roxas, they do care!" he exclaims. Xigbar chuckles slightly and leaned back on the couch.

"So Axel, when the police capture you and question you, please, I hope that you do not tell them who gave you a place to stay, okay?" Xigbar jokes. I let out a groan and Axel laughs. Xigbar is one less person to look for help in my escape, I guess.

We sit there in silence, a very awkward and displeasing one that it, in fact, cause me to feel uneasy and crowded. I want to slap Axel for turning off the damn television.

Xigbar stood up, Axel followed and they stared at me expecting for me to follow in suite. I stared at them for a few seconds then turned on the TV causing Axel to grunt and Xigbar to proceed towards the kitchen.

"Hey Xigbar, can I use your shower?" I asked him. Xigbar nodded his head towards the direction if the bathroom. Indicating for me to go and do whatever. Like he honestly cares what I do. I look closely at his scar on his face and the eye patch and felt a little terrified of this man. He seems like one into gang fights or something.

I nodded my head in thanks and left to use the shower. While the water heated up, I grabbed some of Axel's clothing – Because mine obviously are not present in this new household – and a towel, and placed then on the toilet seat next to the shower.

Once the water reached a warm and relaxing temperature, I slightly raised my right foot enough to reach the inside of the shower to test the water before jumping fully inside, satisfied with the feeling.

I stared through the glass shower doors, and felt uneasy showering in this place, but the running water eased my headache just a little.

Axel knocked on the door saying loudly, "Xigbar and I will e leaving to the store to pick up some coffee," though the sound of the running shower clouded his voice to a mere whisper that danced around in the heated air of the bathroom and into my ears, where I accepted them with a jump- my god, that sounds really gay even for me.

I let out an assuring grunt and waited for him to leave. After a few eerie seconds, I heard the slam of the front door to tell me that they're gone now. With just that one slam, they are leaving me alone with the sound of the shower and the eerie steam clouding up the glass shower doors.

With just a slam they left me alone with my thoughts.

I closed my eyes and began to think of what to do but the sound of the running shower and the awkward silence of the house made me feel more alone than ever.

"Sora, I don't know what to do!" I shouted to an imaginary image of my brother. "I confessed to a man, when I'm almost certain that he doesn't like me. He just seemed so angry and I don't know what to do."

The thought of me talking to myself seemed crazier than cutting off someone's head, but right now all I really care about is sorting out my thoughts in a productive way. "I'm tired of feeling alone and unloved. But at the same time I don't want to set myself up for heartache, you know?" I lower my voice to a small whisper, still feeling slightly self-conscious even though I know that I am completely alone in this house, resting my head against the tiled wall of the shower. "I'll stay with Axel for now, but I won't try to make it more than a kidnapper and kidnapped situation, or at most just a simple friendship. I'm tired of making the first move.

"I didn't even know that I liked men, Sora," I continued as another thought entered my head at sudden. I mean you like Riku, but does it feel the same way for you and him as it does for Axel and me? Does it make you feel alone? I mean, I understand that I just met Axel…

"I only met him a few weeks before the break and I admit I caught myself staring at I'm a few times... But when he took me away from you against my will I truly began to realize these small yet vital things. Something about sleeping next to a perverted man makes you realize these things, Sora. I hate it. I hate every minute in this horrid world right now."

I put the head and shoulder's two in one shampoo into my hair to relax myself and let an idea come to me. "I wish you were here, Sora." with a sigh, I rinsed my hair and closed my eyes. "I'll just wait for love to find me."

It's as simple as that. I choose not to fight for what I want.

Maybe, things won't be so cruel- As if that will ever happen.

--

_**Shouldn't:**_

Xigbar and I, Axel, went to the grocery store down the street from the apartment to buy coffee. I slammed the door tight to make sure that Roxas knew that he was alone.

"So, tell me how things are going with your little kidnapping issue? Could you not convince him to hang with you or something, Axel?" Xigbar asks me after a few dying moments passed as we waited in the elevator with an elderly couple.

"Haha, no, it was just so much more fun to stuff him in a bag and throw him out the window and ruin some perfectly fine shrubbery." The old man stared at me in shock from my words as more people entered the elevator.

"I'd think he'd say otherwise. He didn't seem to keen to be near you this morning."

"I blame the hangover," I reply with a smirk, remembering last night made me a little nauseous. We walked outside the apartment building, and continued onwards down the street.

Xigbar raised an eyebrow at me and I gave him a cheeky grin. "He did most of the drinking so it didn't affect me that much."

Xigbar laughed and walked inside the grocery store, not waiting to hold the door open for me. I ran behind him to catch up as we walked down the multiple lanes.

"So did you make any progress?" he asks, starting up a simple conversation on the matter at hand; our bet. I twirled my thumbs and thought back to last night when I promised that I wouldn't tell anyone about the fact that Roxas pretty much confessed and I let out a sigh.

"We kissed, that's it. He still loathes my presence around him and wishes for a brief yet painful death for me, got it memorized?" I said, knowing that some of this is probably true. Despite the fact that I don't like Roxas, I still like him as a friend. I can't just break a friend's promise, you know?

Xigbar grunts and hands me a large container of instant coffee to me.

"Well, last night at poker we decided that it was probably too hard to get the words 'I love you' come out of his emo little mouth. So you just need to get him drunk enough to sleep with you. Have fun!" he says with a small winning grin before proceeded to the exit leaving me to pay for the coffee with whatever cash was left in my pockets.

Searching down the isles for the correct path to get to a cashier that was closest to the exit, I grabbed a bag of chips to share with Roxas due to some strange need to be friendly.

I thought back to last night and nearly barfed. I rushed to the cashier and handed her a twenty and got her to ring up the coffee. Just the thought of kissing Roxas, let alone any man what-so-ever, makes me want to puke.

Needing a distraction, I smiled at the cashier. She had brown wavy hair that reached her shoulders and her orange clothes seemed casual under her little work apron.

"Well hello there, miss," I greet her with a grin, trying to distract myself with images.

"Hello, sir. How is your day today?" she asks, trying to make small talk as she tries to find the barcode.

"I'm doing rather well, thank you." I casually leaned forward, placing my elbows on the counter and rested my head upon my hand. "So, what's your name?" I ask her.

"Axel, I'm in your class. It's me, Olette?" she says, expecting me to remember.

"Oh, Olette, I totally forgot about you!" I say with a grin, pretending like I actually remember her when I truly didn't. "Why are you at work during the break?"

"We get more pay- hey, Axel, have you heard what happened to Roxas?" She asked me, I let out a little cough and stared at the counter awkwardly.

"Yeah, I heard he got kidnapped. Have you heard anything about it? I'm a little worried," I say with a worried tone, to try to convince her that I am worried and have no idea what she's talking about.

She leaned closely to be so that nobody else can hear. "Sora's kind of pissed. He thinks that Roxas is just running away. He said that as soon as Roxas sets one foot inside the house, Sora will personally make him regret ever leaving. I kind of agree with Sora's thought though, you know how emo Roxas can get."

I nodded my head with a laugh. "But what about the person that threw him out a window? Doesn't that say something?"

"Maybe that was just his big plan on making it seem like he's NOT allowed to go home due to some wall or something blocking the way – i.e. Kidnapping – when really he just wants a little time to himself. Those are just the ideas Demyx threw out there, though."

I let out a sigh. Roxas made quite the reputation on his friends. "I was totally excited on spending my break with him," I say with a sad smile.

"I wonder what he's doing right now," She thought allowed. The image of a naked Roxas in the shower filled my head and I gagged a bit, took the instant coffee and ran out the door leaving my 16 dollars of change for her. She waved goodbye with a raised eyebrow and I tried to play it off as if nothing happened.

I leaned over the sidewalk and puked in the bushes next to me. The people around me immediately backed away from me.

With all my will, I push myself forward back to Xigbar's place.

"Fuck this," I mumble to myself. I start to walk home, ignoring the beautiful chunks I left and walked home, trying to look strong. "Fuck, I swore. Fucking son of a bitch, I fucking hate Roxas and his fucking rules… Fuck."

--

_**Do:**_

Because of my stupid rule and Axel's stupid consequence, I decided not to swear at all this break. That's the thought I had as I stubbed my toe against the toilet getting out of the shower, stubbed it then against the door and fell face first into the bathroom sink. I let out a long string of profanities and couldn't stop myself when Axel came inside the house.

He ran to the bathroom, so I threw on a bathrobe as quickly as possible to have the least bit of dignity left. He opened the door into my face and I screamed out as loudly as I could, "OH FUCK ME," which caused a long string of laughter to come from Axel's mouth.

With a broken toe, I did the smart thing and kicked Axel's shin – with my damn broken toe.

"Roxas, you calm down before you kill yourself," Axel says, trying to calm down his laughter. I grumbled and limped out the door into the living room with Axel following me.

I sat down on the couch awkwardly, after tightening my bathrobe, and stared at my now swelling big toe. Axel grabbed some ice from the freezer. He grabbed my legs and placed them on my lap, making me lay down sideways on the couch. "Ah, th-that's cold…" I muttered with a gasp. Axel's face turned red and he stared down at my feet awkwardly.

"It's not broken, it's just… in a lot of pain," he says, uncertain as to what you call it.

"Yeah, okay doctor."

"Don't be snappy, Roxas, I'm just trying to help you."

I wiggled my toes near his face angrily and leaned back. Axel flicked my good foot away from his face and rested his arm on the back of the couch.

We sat there in an awkward silence, both of us staring at my one injured toe. "You know, I heard you swearing when I entered the house. What happened to our rules?" Axel asked with a raised eyebrow.

"Hey, like you never swear."

"Let me ask you, why make that rule? I mean it's not like we're little kids or anything," Axel asks me, I stare at him blankly while trying to figure out why.

"I guess it's like an early new year's resolution."

Axel pulled me up on his lap and grinned at me. I blushed and looked away, confused by his actions. "Then I guess we need to keep to it, right?" He said before he kissed me. I kissed him back even though every inch of my being told me not to and that it goes against everything that I promised myself.

I wanted to hit Axel for playing with me like this, for making me feel wanted when I'm probably not. I wanted to hit him for stealing me away from my uncomplicated life. But I couldn't bring myself to do it. I grabbed his long red hair and used it to pull him closer to me, and ignored the wet tears that were streaming down my face onto his.

I felt his hands touch my bare chest and hesitating, probably in realization that I'm wearing just a robe. I bit his lip, nervously but anxious, and he bit mine back trying to take lead. His tongue in my mouth, started to dance around so I followed each step of the way. His hands reached around my chest to my back and pulled me against him as he laid me down on the couch and he was on top. I moved my leg slightly, trying to cover myself more but he let out a little squeak thinking I was aiming for something else so I started to blush.

He stopped his kiss and went for my neck, where he bit and kissed leaving me to moan like an idiot. I wanted to hit him and tell him to stay away from me, but I couldn't. He was so warm…

His hands trailed down my chest and to my thighs where I let out a little squeak in surprise. Axel chuckled and I shivered from the feeling of his breath on my neck.

"Are you really happy, Roxas?" Axel asks, kissing my neck.

My distracted mind tried to process an answer. "Maybe," is the only thing I could say? I'm pathetic.

Axel moved up from kissing my neck and stared at me in the eyes. I looked away feeling stupid. "What makes you happy?" He asks me, curiously before feeling up my chest.

Your hands touching me, they make me happy. "I don't know."

He bent down and started to kiss my neck again. "I want to make you happy, Roxas. Give me something to do," He continued to kiss from my neck and down to my chest, taking off the robe from my arms so that it's only covering… you know.

"W-who said I'm n-not happy?" I ask him, trying not to let out a moan from his touch.

He looked at me with a raised eyebrow and I glared at him. "I was talking to Olette today, she kept talking about how lonely and emo you are." He reached my nipples and I let out a moan. He laughed and continued to kiss me.

"Well what does she know? I'm a happy person," I state quickly. He continued to kiss me, only slower and more hesitant.

"That's why your brother things you ran away? You made quite the reputation, you know."

My eyes trailed down to the front door, wanting to run away. My own brother doesn't trust me anymore. "Go fuck yourself."

"Only if you give me some help with that, babe," he said with a wink. I got really angry, so I grabbed his shirt and forcefully unbuttoned it.

He let out a laugh, and gave me a kiss on the lips. "Why do you make me so confused?" I asked him angrily, throwing his shirt on the floor.

Axel smirked and continued to kiss me, ignoring my question. He grinded against my lap and I let out a large gasp. He took off my robe and threw it on the floor leaving me completely naked and vulnerable. I wanted to throw him off me and cry, but I couldn't. Instead I cried with him touching me.

He wiped away my tears as I took off his belt. "You think this is happiness?" he asks, while wiping the tears.

I shook my head angrily and threw the belt away, hearing it snap against the floor. With shaky and nervous hands I unbuckled his pants and tried to pull them off of him. Axel sighed and helped me by taking them off.

"Tell me what you want and I'll give you anything in the world," Axel says demandingly.

I stared at him in the eyes and let my tears blur my eyesight. "I want to hit you, I want to punch you, and I want you to feel pain. I want you to feel what you make me feel, and that's unbearable pain. You know what I want? I want you, Axel. I want you to go die in a hole."

Axel let out a sigh and bit my ear. "Is that truly what you want?" he whispered in my ear.

I shook my head in defeat. "Just fuck me already," I told him.

"Tell me you want it first, Roxas," he says demandingly. I shivered and froze with his breath against my ear and blanked out.

"I… I want you to make me happy," I told him. Axel stared at me with a shocked face before he kissed me.

"I'm all yours, babe. Got it memorized?" he said, before throwing his boxers on the floor.

I wanted to curl into a ball and cry for giving in to him, but I couldn't. I was preoccupied.

--

_**This:**_

My ass hurts, a lot.

I changed into my clothes after we were done and sat down awkwardly on the couch. I could tell something was up with Axel because behind his smirk, he had another look that I couldn't read.

"What are you thinking about?" I ask Axel. He slowly looks at me and then stares at the floor.

"Xigbar's going to have to burn this couch," he mutters under his breath with a laugh. I sat there blankly and willed myself to loathe his very presence in this room. That's all he has to say about this?

"You're an idiot," I snap at him. Axel looks at me in startle and I glare into his eyes.

"What?" he asks me.

I cleared my throat and snapped a little inside. "You heard me, asshole. You're an idiot. I hate you and I wish you'd just leave me alone!" I shouted, hearing my own angry voice echo back into my ears startled me of how I sounded.

"What's wrong?" Axel asks, slightly annoyed.

I leaned close to him and clenched his shirt. "I want you out of my head!" I shouted. Axel put his hands up in defense.

He obviously didn't know what was going on, and I didn't either. I just snapped at him. "I don't want this, I am not ready for this, you are not needed and I wish you would just go away! You ruined my life! I wanted to get Sora something special for his birthday, but that was ruined. I wanted to have a normal life, with a wife and two kids. Then mister biggest asshole came along and ruined it for me! Why don't you just leave me the hell alone?"

Axel looked at me incredibly sorry. "W-what d-do you mean?"

"I mean that after everything we just did you can just sit here and laugh with some stupid smirk to hide the fact that you probably just used me or something! You know what would be nice? A simple 'how was your day' and not just 'let's go fuck on Xigbar's couch'. Why don't you just shove your fist up your ass while you're at it?"

Axel stared at the floor in silence. "I'm sorry."

"Sorry for what? Using me? Making me feel like a complete and total idiot? You better be sorry, because after all of this, when I go home, I will be scarred. I can't even look myself in the mirror. You drive me crazy; I just want to rip out all of my hair!"

"What are you trying to say with all this?" he asks me, with a large hint of sadness in his voice.

"What I'm trying to say is that I need you to make me happy, but every time I get a god damn glimpse of happiness you get in the way and anger me! You're the one who told me that you wanted me to be happy, so make me happy!" I shouted with tears falling down my eyes.

Axel wiped away my tears and looked at me blankly. "This is so stupid."

With a sigh, I calmed myself. "Tell me the truth about everything and why you really did this."

Axel looked at me sadly and kissed my forehead.

"That wasn't an answer."

"Fine, you want the truth? I made a bet with some people that I could make you a happy person, that I could make you smile and laugh. I made a bet that you would fall in love with me. If I win, I get a wad of cash then I get to do whatever I want with you; dump you, throw you away, or keep you. I took that bet, Roxas. Here I am: I succeeded in sleeping with you; that was one of the new options. I feel like shit for lying to you, but you know what? You need me, so I'm here. I'm a traitor but I won't back down from this bet until it's complete. I want you to laugh and smile with me."

"Are you even gay?" I asked him.

"I wasn't but… who knows what happens." I punched him in the face.

Then I regretted ever snapping at Axel. I burst into tears and ran into the room. I gathered whatever was mind and ran out the door leaving Axel behind me shouting my name.

This is the worst day of my life. I just got played.

Fuck you, Axel. I wish you died.

* * *

AN: My ceiling leaked from my upstairs neighbor's toilet. I have stomach flu, exams are coming up, I have 4 summatives due in the same week. Those are my excuses as to why this is late. Though, I did write almost all of this. My computer got a virus and I didn't back up in time. I mean I backed up my stuff from before, but it was all like two chapters behind. This was originally where they were going to go shopping on boxing day, but I decided to make Roxas leave the place a bit. C:

I need to go to bed now. I think I might puke. Sorry for the errors, I lost my glasses so it's hard to read what I wrote XD


End file.
